Think Positive

In light of this whole situation with *Tim, I have decided to not ‘let it go’ but kind of move on from this.  The stress of waiting for a phone call that is not going to come my way, instead, her way.  The places that were ours can not be labeled as such for many others have walked the same paths.  The main stream of closure is the songs of today and yesterday.  Also, the comfort of my mother and the stories of her younger years that are parallel to that of mine make me feel as though the decisions I make come from a part of my mind that does not necessarily come from my mother’s mistake but more from a mold that God has created.  That same mold that my mother was made from.  The amount of pain inside me from the tear on this relationship with *Tim is something I hope I never go through as many times as I have in the past year.  My heart has been broken by the same man three times, this only shows me how easily I depend on him and fall back into the comfort of familiarity.  I hope to keep his friendship because he is such an important part of my life, but I know there is something better out there for me.  Someone who will not break my heart, or make me feel the pain I feel/have felt from my past relationship.  This blog seems to be running with dry ink but I know there will be more…

Hypocrite

Updated status on *Tim and I.  If anyone truely is hanging on the edge of their seat as to what happens to us…

*Tim calls me at 1030pm and I did not answer.  He called my sister first to see what was going on.  I did get jealous.  I decided not to answer his call because we had plans to talk and instead, *Tim decided to once again “forget” his phone in the house as him and a friend had a little fire in the backyard.  Understandable, only under the circumstances of ignoring me.  But this seems to be of little or no importance to him.  I went to bed with my phone off and a mind racing through solutions to this *Tim problem.  ‘Why doesn’t he care enough to keep his phone on him when he knows we were suppose to get together?’  ‘Does he not want to start this relationship with me even though we are practically already in a relationship just without the official facebook relationship change?’. 

*Tim called me today around lunchtime on his break from work but I decided to “forget” my phone in my room as I hung out with my sister in the pool.  He called her phone and she called him back.  He wanted to know if I deliberately ignored his message and my sister proceeded to tell him that my phone was in the house.  She handed the phone to me and *Tim acted as though everything was fine.  I told him if he wanted to talk to me then he knows where to find me at my house.  “It’s like you don’t even care, not answering your phone everytime I make plans with you.”  He answers with one word everytime I say something: ok.  “I will call you after work at 330pm”.  I hung up with a sour attitude but decided not to think about it and let it ruin this wonderful day.  I think I might just “forget” my phone in my room today around 330pm.

A while ago, I purchased 2 tickets to a country concert for myself and *Tim.  Little did I know that we would get into a fight the week of the concert.  This Sunday I plan on taking my girlfriend from college instead of *Tim.  Not only did he upset me this week, but I paid for the tickets.  Therefor, it is not his ticket.  It is still in my room and I intend on bringing someone I know I will have alot of fun with alongside my sister and her girlfriend.  This problem with *Tim is not turning out the way I wanted it to, ending in marriage and a happy family.  Updates will continue…

His name is *Tim

This post will be edited because the boy I will be talking about has broken my heart.  I am not doing this to be mean or lash out, I am doing this for me.  Enjoy….

My senior year of high school I met a boy named *Tim who was two grades below me but was only a year younger.  We both immediately attracted eachother and had alot of chemistry together.  We went ice fishing together for a school trip and then proceeded to move fast as he broke up with his girlfriend of two years to pursue a very intimate and roller coaster relationship with me.  We dated for about six months and experienced alot with eachother.  My first long-term relationship began to take its toll as he became jealous and suspicious of my actions.  I did nothing more than the average high school senior as I tried to balance work, school, sports, friends, family and my boyfriend.  It proved to be not enough for him and too much for me.  I broke up with him at a college baseball game and could not take any more fighting for the fights were truely too much for me to handle.  The days to follow were graduation parties and just enjoying the single life as *Tim continued to call and beg me to take him back saying he had changed within a week.  We tried again but it proved to, once again, be too much for me to handle seeing he had already met a girl and was trying to make us work before he quickly fleed to the other girl.  The two of them pursued a six month relationship as I went to college and thoroughly enjoyed myself   We occassionally texted eachother and informed the other about how happy we were when in actuallity we were both hurting to see one another once again and hope that we could end up together and happy.  Yet, we would become jealous of the other claiming to have no feelings for us and would stop talking only to reconnect over winter break.  Hanging out was refreshing and planning to celebrate our birthdays together before we go to a friend’s house for New Years sounded like a good idea.  We then proceeded to get intoxicated at the party and the night was treachorous as the intoxication caused problems.  We stopped talking until May of 2011.  It had officially been a year and a couple months since we first started seeing eachother and Myron’s girlfreind had broken up with him after New Years (so I was told).  I began to take a summer class and would go to *Tim’s house afterwards.  We became intimate and wanted to see eachother in a very mature manner but I began to inform him of his actions in our previous relationship and he agreed to take it slow.  Things could not have been better as we began seeing eachother everyday and telling eachother how much we love eachother.  My family was against this except my sister but I did not care anymore because “I’m a big girl”!  Yeah…that was funny.

A few nights ago, *Tim was suppose to take me out to dinner but never did because after calling him and everyone in Auburn for an hour and a half straight, he proclaimed to me that he forgot his phone at his house and went to hang out with his ex-ex girlfriend from high school since I never called him to confirm dinner.  We were very upset at eachother, more me at him, but today seemed like things were getting better since he called me in the morning and on his lunch break.  We decided to talk today but once again, he is not answering his phone.  Do I over exaggerate the situation and call all of Auburn again? Or do I accept the fact that he is still the same boy I once dated in high school and squash the idea of ever getting back together with him?  I will give an update tomorrow but seeing the time on my computer and noticing not one person has called me besides my friend Huy, I doubt the post will be a rejoicing one about love and fairy tale endings.

Dead Poet’s Society Shadows Whitman

The film “Dead Poets Society” showcased many of Walt Whitman’s characteristics. Whitman was a man who was sensitive to everyone’s feelings around him. He portrayed his self-image as everyone’s self-image through his writings. The values Whitman carried were of value to everyone and not valued by everyone. The message he sent out to the world was to take him as is, to accept him, and if not, then so be it. Aside from Whitman’s personality, his writings were intriguing and realistic. Comparing people, describing people, and stories of different people from all aspects of life made Walt Whitman an incredibly talented writer. Although he was not accepted in his time, he did impact society in ways that promoted understanding, love, passion; but above all, love.

Whitman was shadowed in the film with metaphors that he had touched upon in his “Leaves of Grass.” Carpe diam being such a bold statement was the main message in the “Dead Poets Society.” Whitman’s actions were just as bold as Neil’s rebellious behavior against his father’s wishes to chase down his dream. To seize the day, Whitman lived by every man, woman, and child. He explored their lives and consumed their beings in his own. By publishing the different literature book “Leaves of Grass” that talked of equality, sex, homosexual relations, and other characters in society, Whitman seized the day. Neil Perry knew his father would not accept his actions just as Whitman knew many would not accept his works. Yet both men pushed aside the negative influences and proceeded to construct their foundation as a person and find themselves. Both made their lives worth living and they made it fun instead of lulling in the shadows of others.

Whitman looms large in the “Dead Poets Society” in many aspects of the film. The behaviors of the characters Neil, Todd, Knox, and Charlie all stepped out of the Welton School Academy mold and enhanced a mold of their own. Knox found the courage to talk to a girl and let her know his feelings towards her. Charlie showed his character of humorous and daring outbursts. Neil joined the play and received the major part even though his father did not allow it. Todd stood up and read a poem in front of the class. The theme of the film was Carpe diam. Whitman is just that. He showed us how to live the way we want to, not be restricted by what others think.

Human weakness and strength figure largely in who John Proctor is as a man, a husband, a citizen, and as a friend. Using the texts, analyze John Proctor, demonstrating to your reader all of the complexities of this man:

Essay Prompt I

John Proctor’s character in “The Crucible” by Arthur Miller is the one character that contradicts himself. Through the time period of witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts where accusations where being thrown around town, many innocent victims were faced with a cruel decision. They could either plead guilty to being witched and serve time in prison or deny any relations with the devil and hang. John Proctor and wife Elizabeth could not believe the state in which their village had so frantically adapted to fix the growing chaos. As John becomes more vocal in the play about his thoughts on the Salem witch trials, his complexity is revealed as a strong moral, independent, sinful, proud believer of his own words.

Weaknesses displayed by John Proctor counter his strengths in most cases. As a married man, he weakens himself because of the fact that he cannot forgive himself before he asks for forgiveness of others. Due to his lechery with Abigail Williams, he quickly asks for his wife’s forgiveness when he has not accepted himself for his sinful ways. Yet his strength is bright in the way he notices he is a man who bears only one name in his lifetime and is not willing to sign it away to be nailed upon the church doors in humility and shame. “Because it is my name! Because I can not have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies…How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!”

As a husband, John shows weakness and strength as well. Human weakness is unveiled when John commits the crime of lechery against his wife with Abigail. Yet strength prevails through the morally advanced Proctor when he admits his fault. Taking responsibility for such an action and doing so in front of his wife and court proceeds to show just how strong and adamant John is on being a better husband for his wife Elizabeth.

Citizens in Salem go to Church every Sunday and follow the strict rules. All except John Proctor. His weakness as a citizen is just that, missing church, working on the Sabbath, and speaking out against the judicial branch in the village. John’s strength as a citizen shows how he will not stand for the lies that are fed to his village and society officials. Instead of minding his own, John takes a stand and fights the whole village until his death for what is right in his mind.

John Proctor does not have many friends for everyone does not accept his ways. Yet the friends he does have are near and dear to him. His weakness is trusting anyone that he wants to instead of having them earn his trust. For when he trusts Mary Warren to tell the truth and deny all witchcraft, she takes her word back and throws John into the fire with the rest of the innocent in Salem. John does not stand for this since the beginning and professes his love for his friends and is imprisoned and later hanged for the innocence of his friends. “Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang.” John Proctor’s strength is self evident through his actions, as he gives his life for those he loves.

Whether he is looked at as a husband of an honest woman, a father of three, a reluctant citizen, or a loving friend, John Proctor’s complexity is unmatched in Salem in 1692. No other man would have followed through to the very end as John Proctor had. The entire process was a hard-fought battle for John in which he did not win; yet left proud. He is proud of himself and those who stayed with him such as his wife Elizabeth, and his few friends who hung by his side.

Who Am I? Lemme Tell You…

My name is Brianne and I am blogging now for my english class.  Before english, I have heard of blogging but have never really been interested until now.  I play basketball, softball, field hockey and dance   School is chill and I can’t wait to get my liscense in Februaryyyy.  I like dogs and I have 2 widdle puggs named Zena and Hercules that I love.  I am always doing something but when I have nothing to do I like to sit on the couch and rest or just do something that doesn’t really have any importance to me at all.  Peace