Think Positive

In light of this whole situation with *Tim, I have decided to not ‘let it go’ but kind of move on from this.  The stress of waiting for a phone call that is not going to come my way, instead, her way.  The places that were ours can not be labeled as such for many others have walked the same paths.  The main stream of closure is the songs of today and yesterday.  Also, the comfort of my mother and the stories of her younger years that are parallel to that of mine make me feel as though the decisions I make come from a part of my mind that does not necessarily come from my mother’s mistake but more from a mold that God has created.  That same mold that my mother was made from.  The amount of pain inside me from the tear on this relationship with *Tim is something I hope I never go through as many times as I have in the past year.  My heart has been broken by the same man three times, this only shows me how easily I depend on him and fall back into the comfort of familiarity.  I hope to keep his friendship because he is such an important part of my life, but I know there is something better out there for me.  Someone who will not break my heart, or make me feel the pain I feel/have felt from my past relationship.  This blog seems to be running with dry ink but I know there will be more…

Hypocrite

Updated status on *Tim and I.  If anyone truely is hanging on the edge of their seat as to what happens to us…

*Tim calls me at 1030pm and I did not answer.  He called my sister first to see what was going on.  I did get jealous.  I decided not to answer his call because we had plans to talk and instead, *Tim decided to once again “forget” his phone in the house as him and a friend had a little fire in the backyard.  Understandable, only under the circumstances of ignoring me.  But this seems to be of little or no importance to him.  I went to bed with my phone off and a mind racing through solutions to this *Tim problem.  ‘Why doesn’t he care enough to keep his phone on him when he knows we were suppose to get together?’  ‘Does he not want to start this relationship with me even though we are practically already in a relationship just without the official facebook relationship change?’. 

*Tim called me today around lunchtime on his break from work but I decided to “forget” my phone in my room as I hung out with my sister in the pool.  He called her phone and she called him back.  He wanted to know if I deliberately ignored his message and my sister proceeded to tell him that my phone was in the house.  She handed the phone to me and *Tim acted as though everything was fine.  I told him if he wanted to talk to me then he knows where to find me at my house.  “It’s like you don’t even care, not answering your phone everytime I make plans with you.”  He answers with one word everytime I say something: ok.  “I will call you after work at 330pm”.  I hung up with a sour attitude but decided not to think about it and let it ruin this wonderful day.  I think I might just “forget” my phone in my room today around 330pm.

A while ago, I purchased 2 tickets to a country concert for myself and *Tim.  Little did I know that we would get into a fight the week of the concert.  This Sunday I plan on taking my girlfriend from college instead of *Tim.  Not only did he upset me this week, but I paid for the tickets.  Therefor, it is not his ticket.  It is still in my room and I intend on bringing someone I know I will have alot of fun with alongside my sister and her girlfriend.  This problem with *Tim is not turning out the way I wanted it to, ending in marriage and a happy family.  Updates will continue…

His name is *Tim

This post will be edited because the boy I will be talking about has broken my heart.  I am not doing this to be mean or lash out, I am doing this for me.  Enjoy….

My senior year of high school I met a boy named *Tim who was two grades below me but was only a year younger.  We both immediately attracted eachother and had alot of chemistry together.  We went ice fishing together for a school trip and then proceeded to move fast as he broke up with his girlfriend of two years to pursue a very intimate and roller coaster relationship with me.  We dated for about six months and experienced alot with eachother.  My first long-term relationship began to take its toll as he became jealous and suspicious of my actions.  I did nothing more than the average high school senior as I tried to balance work, school, sports, friends, family and my boyfriend.  It proved to be not enough for him and too much for me.  I broke up with him at a college baseball game and could not take any more fighting for the fights were truely too much for me to handle.  The days to follow were graduation parties and just enjoying the single life as *Tim continued to call and beg me to take him back saying he had changed within a week.  We tried again but it proved to, once again, be too much for me to handle seeing he had already met a girl and was trying to make us work before he quickly fleed to the other girl.  The two of them pursued a six month relationship as I went to college and thoroughly enjoyed myself   We occassionally texted eachother and informed the other about how happy we were when in actuallity we were both hurting to see one another once again and hope that we could end up together and happy.  Yet, we would become jealous of the other claiming to have no feelings for us and would stop talking only to reconnect over winter break.  Hanging out was refreshing and planning to celebrate our birthdays together before we go to a friend’s house for New Years sounded like a good idea.  We then proceeded to get intoxicated at the party and the night was treachorous as the intoxication caused problems.  We stopped talking until May of 2011.  It had officially been a year and a couple months since we first started seeing eachother and Myron’s girlfreind had broken up with him after New Years (so I was told).  I began to take a summer class and would go to *Tim’s house afterwards.  We became intimate and wanted to see eachother in a very mature manner but I began to inform him of his actions in our previous relationship and he agreed to take it slow.  Things could not have been better as we began seeing eachother everyday and telling eachother how much we love eachother.  My family was against this except my sister but I did not care anymore because “I’m a big girl”!  Yeah…that was funny.

A few nights ago, *Tim was suppose to take me out to dinner but never did because after calling him and everyone in Auburn for an hour and a half straight, he proclaimed to me that he forgot his phone at his house and went to hang out with his ex-ex girlfriend from high school since I never called him to confirm dinner.  We were very upset at eachother, more me at him, but today seemed like things were getting better since he called me in the morning and on his lunch break.  We decided to talk today but once again, he is not answering his phone.  Do I over exaggerate the situation and call all of Auburn again? Or do I accept the fact that he is still the same boy I once dated in high school and squash the idea of ever getting back together with him?  I will give an update tomorrow but seeing the time on my computer and noticing not one person has called me besides my friend Huy, I doubt the post will be a rejoicing one about love and fairy tale endings.